| 631. | A horse loves, as we do
maybe even more so.
We should love it,
as they love us.
until this day is done.
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| 632. | At the pace of a canter,
My hair flys back.
Wind rushing at my face,
& all down my back.
I have never felt such a feeling,
Too the horse i am thankful of that.
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| 633. | I have seen soldiers panic at the first sight of battle, and a squire pulling arrows from his body to fight and save his dying horse. Nobility is not a birthright, but is defined by one's actions.
- Kevin Costner in "Robin Hood, Prince Of Thieves"
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| 634. | 15 hands between your legs is better than 1!
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| 635. | A HORSE WIFE IS: A sentimental fool! She displays a minimum of 6 8x10 color photos of her horse, and carries a crumpled snapshot of you (taken before you were married) somewhere in the bottom of her purse! Easy to locate! She's either out on the horse or in the barn! Upholds the double standard! Smooches with the most bewhiskered beast, but recoils when you need a shave! Owns but one vacuum cleaner and operates it exclusively in the barn! A social butterfly! Providing the party is given by another horsy wife! Falls asleep in her soup at all other functions! Economy minded! Won't waste money on permanents, facials or manicures! A culinary perfectionist! Checks every section of hay for mold but doesn’t blink when she petrifies your dinner in the microwave! Occasionally amorous. But never leaves lipstick on your collar! At worst a slight trace of chapstick! Easy to outfit! No need for embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little boutiques! You can find all she wears at your local tack store. Features a selective sense of smell! Bitterly complains about your sticky sweet cigar smoke while remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying next to the heater! Unmistakable in bathing suits! She's the one whose tan starts at the nose, ends at the neck, and picks up again at the wrist! A dedicated clubwoman as long as the words "horse" and/or "riding" appear in its name! Has your leisure at heart! Eliminates grass cutting by turning every square inch of lawn into pasture (which, in turn, converts itself into MUD)! A master at multiplication! She starts with one horse, ads a companion, and if it's a mare she breeds it! Keeps an eagle eye on the budget! Easily justifies spending hundreds of dollars but croaks when you spend $10 for a tie! An engaging conversationalist! Can rattle on endlessly about training and the pros and cons of castration! Socially aware! Knows that formal occasions call for clean boots! A moving force in the family! House by house, she will get you to move closer and closer to horse country (and farther from your job)! Easy to please! A new wheelbarrow, custom boots, or even a folding hoof-pick will win her heart forever! Shows her affection in unusual ways! If she pats you on the neck and says, "You're a good boy”. Believe it or notice loves you! There is no secret so close as that between a rider and her horse.
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| 636. | Horse Terminology!
Event Prospect = Big Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect = Big Slow Horse
Hack Prospect = Pretty Color
Sporting Prospect = Short Fast Horse
Camp Prospect = Fast Horse which can turn
Endurance Prospect = Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy = White Socks
Attractive = Bay
15.2hh = 14.3hhh
16.2hh = 15.3hh
To Loving Home = Only Expensive
To Show Home Only = Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider = Potentially Lethal
Elegant = Thin
In Good Condition = Foundered
Free Moving = Bolts
Quiet = Lame in Both Front Legs
Dead Quiet = Lame in All Four Legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof) = Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind
Loves Children = Kicks and Bites
Pony Type = Small and Hairy
Arab Type = Looks startled
TB Type = Looks Terrified
Quarter Horse Type = Fat
Warmblood Type = Big and Hairy
Draught Type = Big and Exceedingly Hairy
Easy to Catch = Very Old
Must Sell = Wife has left home and taking kids
All Offers Considered = I am in Traction for 6 months
Reluctant = Sale Comes with Title Deeds to Sydney Harbor Bridge
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| 637. | Horseperson's Glossary
Auction: A popular social gathering where you can change your horse from a liability to an asset.
Colic: Gastrointestinal result of eating at horse show food stands.
Colt: What your mare gives you when you want a filly.
Endurance ride: End result when your horse spooks and runs away with you.
Feed: Expensive substance used to manufacture manure.
Fence: Decorative structure built to provide your horse something to chew on.
Grooming: Fine art of removing dirt from your horse's body and applying it to your own.
Hock: Financial condition of all horse owners.
Longeing: Popular training method in which a horse exercises his owner by spinning him in circles until dizzy Pinto: Green coat pattern found on a freshly washed gray horse left unattended in the stall for 10 minutes.
Rasp: Abrasive metal tool used to remove excess skin from knuckles.
Stall: What your rig does at rush hour in an unfamiliar city on the way to a horse show.
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| 638. | The Breath of Paradise is that which blows between the ears of a horse.
- Arabic Quotation
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| 639. | The grass is always greener on the other side, until a horse comes and poops on it.
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| 640. | Who needs men when you have a horse?..oh..wait..someone's gotta do the paying!
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