Bertie & George go to Badminton.

24 September 2000
Well ... Bert, George and I went to Badminton for its annual sponsored ride. Last year it was just me and Bert, this year having two horses presented a bit of a problem. I could have tried it Cossack style, but I don't think I had it in me, anyway I wasn't feeling 100% in that respect if you know what I mean. My riding instructor, Chris, expressed a desire to ride Bert round the course ... I mean who wouldn't? So the two of us went to Badminton.

The morning started at 3.30am when I had to get up ... I shan't go into all the details, but to cut a longer story long we had the horses ready to leave the yard at 7am. At this time it looked like we were set for a lovely sunny day ... however, as is typical with the British weather, it was Sunny on Saturday with a promise of sun on Sunday ... as we approached Badminton it started to rain ... how unexpected ... it is even more unexpected to know that on Monday it was lovely and sunny again. Anyway I guess I should count my blessings ...

We arrived at Badminton at 9am ... hardly a sole to be seen except for the organisers. We checked in and got our numbers. Rain aside, it was quite warm. We heard that over 700 people had booked in to do the sponsored ride, not counting late entries on the day !!!

We started the course at about 10.15am. Off we went, B&G behaving quite well ... for B&G that is. One of the first jumps was a log on the famous Badminton lake ... only a few dunked riders and adrift ponies this year ... happily both B&G made it though unscathed ... I was surprised by how deep the water was this year. It is a shame that the photographer took the picture from this angle ... he took a much better picture last year with Badminton house in the background.

The pictures above are my riding instructor Chris riding Bert. The pitures below are ... well I would rather not admit to being me. Seeing these pictures makes me cringe ... I would like to blame me looking crap on George ... but I am sure its not all his fault :) ... at least I have something to work in in my next lesson ... I must write out 100 times "I will not jab George in the mouth over a jump even if he pulls and pulls and pulls !!!"

All in all it was a mostly uneventful day with B winding G up and G winding B up. Chris and I decided to go our separate ways and meet up later. I went off first ... Chris told me later that Bert spent most of his time in search of all chestnut horses in case they were George!!!

Separating G from B didn't do much to help me, either that or he would have been worse if I had stayed with B. Anyway, George excelled himself, he jumped all the fences and I was very proud of him in that respect ... although style was somewhat lacking. With all the rain, the ground was very soggy ... it quickly degenerated into a muddy quagmire at the jumps. It was all I could do to persuade George to take care ... in fact I couldn't. Thank god we were early in the running order, I would have hated trying to jump at 2pm ....

He jumped some nice big jumps, however we came to some large hay bales the likes of which we had actually jumped successfully shortly before ... obviously the rider has nothing of value to say at this stage, so George plowed on (literally) ... the ground looked horrible, I tried to get some sort of check out of him ... to no avail. He came to the jump and took off ... in principle, so far so good ... the landing was different.

George does a terrifyingly convincing impression of the pope on a foreign visit. As we reached the apex of the jump I waited for the front legs to appear in front and catch the ground ... I waited some more ... like a missile bound for earth I watched as George's head accelerated to pay homage to the ground. God knows where his front legs were, I am sure they were supposed to be there in front of us (they turned up later, very apologetically).

All I can say is that thank god for mud ... the ground was very soft. Georges shoulder hit the ground first, sending me straight over his head landing in sympathy on my shoulder too. My trajectory was perfect, sliding head first along the mud, waiting for George to follow. I was lucky that G stopped a meter short of me, I was half expecting him to somersault and land on top of me. With the mud breaking my fall, uninjured I got up quickly and collected G from his heap on the ground.

Mud, Horses & Tack ... what a mess !!! G's face was full of mud ... bridle and everything ... needless to say my nice suede saddle was not the same nice suede saddle I had 30 seconds before. As far as me, clearly my fashion consultant considered that beige was passe and brown was a better colour for me.

I trotted G up, as best as I could ... other than the mud bath complexion he seemed sound. The worrying thing is that clearly G had not noticed the incident and appeared to think that it was all part of the exciting experience of lifes rich tapestry ... he continued to show reckless abandonment for the next jumps. Two jumps later was another bale ... I was in two minds whether to jump it ... but G flew it and no doubt was mildly disappointed that this one did not also include the free beauty treatment ...

George continued to put in a brave and bold performance over the rest of the jumps ... we even did a nice 3' stone wall ... why we did it when there was a perfectly good 2' option I have no idea ...with the jumps 100 meters away, as we come galloping towards them my only task was to decide to jump the small one ... insanity prevailed as we flew reignless over the bigger of the two fences. When the picture arrives I hope we will all enjoy G's new facial.

We got home in one piece ... however I think that some body armour is on the shopping list ... Georges statistics for staying upright are not promising ... there is no point in taking unnecessary risks (other than jumping George in the first place !!!)

After 4 hours of cleaning ... horses, tack, trailer and riders are clean again ... my only physical memories of the day is a slightly sore shoulder and stiff neck ... all in all a great day out.