I've been promising myself a proper Hunting Cap for some time now, so a two-hour morning appointment in London left me with ample time to shoot down to the Elephant & Castle and visit Mr. Patey's factory. There, deep in the heart of the politically-correct Borough of Southwark, Pateys have for years carried out their business as hunting and ceremonial hat manufacturers By Appointment to Her Majesty the Queen, the Nobility, the Forces, and sundry subscribers to the Avon Vale Hunt (amongst others).

The business is managed by Ray, who comes from a long line of hat-makers. He said that my hat could be ready in 15 minutes, and invited me to sit down for a fitting. For the fitting, a contraption is used that is best described as a cross between a top-hat and one of those gadgets you see advertised on TV for cutting out around the shape of a doorpost or some other irregular object. The device is placed on your head, and a sprung system of about 30 rods, links and pivots, then more rods ending in pins are used to transfer the exact profile of your skull on to a piece of card clamped over the pins. This profile is about half the actual size of your head.

As soon as my profile was removed from the machine, Ray took a look at it, sucked air in between his teeth, and shook his head slowly. This action is entirely reminiscent of a garage mechanic who looks at your ailing car and says "Who sold you this load of junk then?". Ray actually said: "Your hats fall forward over your eyes don't they sir?".

"Dead right they do. I have to have them fastened up so tight I can hardly talk. How did you know that?" "You've got a funny-shaped head sir. Perhaps only one in fifty has a head like yours sir. I may have to do a special for you, but I'll do my best with a standard cap first".

It seems that most heads are rounded at the back, so the cap has something to fit around. One in fifty of us has a head that is flat at the back, so standard shop- bought hats fall forward. I have gone through life totally unaware of this distinguishing feature, and it is not entered in my passport.

I tried on a selection of hat styles in my size, and one was selected for adjustment.

All of Patey's hats are made in a traditional manner. The shell is manufactured from linen cloth placed around a mould made in one of a number of standard sizes. The linen is held in shape by a substance called "coodle", which is dark brown, glutinous, and very like treacle when hot, but sets hard when cold. It will soften slightly when held for a prolonged period in a steam jet. The peak is moulded on as a part of the shell. All of the velvet outers and the linings are sewn up and fitted in the factory.

To fit the hat to your shape, the cardboard profile that was made earlier is taken, and placed in the centre of an expandable metal shoe. This has perhaps fifteen or twenty thick metal rods held at an angle in a roughly oval frame. The design is such that if the inner end of each rod touches the edge of a point on your cardboard profile, then the line of the outer edges will be a very close fit to the original shape of your head. The device is clamped up tightly into this shape, and pushed firmly into the brim of the hat. The whole assembly is then held in a steam jet for about 10 minutes until the shell has softened and the hat has taken on the correct shape for your head. Ray then fitted some special felt padding pieces at the back to help make up for the deficiencies of the shape of my skull.

The resulting article fits like a glove. It is stylish, elegant, and stays on my head because it was built to go there, and not because of the forgiving nature of foam rubber padding and the strength of nylon straps. It does not fall over my eyes, and other members of the Avon Vale have assured me that the strength of the design has been proven in action. Even now I can imagine the admiring comments of other mounted followers: "Great hat. Shame he still can't control that d*mn horse of his!"