"Have you dumped him yet?" Harvey the cob asked me over the stable door. "It's about time you did, you know. Old Spuds will be getting conceited if you don't do it soon".

"Well, I don't really like to do it because it's a long way down from on my back. The poor old beggar can't even get on without assistance, so it seems cruel. Anyway, he had a hard time with his previous horse Joseph, and if it hadn't been for that then he wouldn't have bought me. One has to be thankful for small mercies, doesn't one?"

"So what did his old horse do?"

"He didn't like jumping. Or at least, he didn't like jumping with Spuds on board. I can understand that; it's why I call him Spuds. It seems that Joseph is jumping just fine now he's got a lissom young woman as a rider, so Spuds says he knows where half of the problem was anyway."

"Yes, I heard that Joseph was a real card. A master of the dirty stop, as they say. He'd come charging up to a jump, then put the brakes on at the last possible moment. Spuds would go over his neck every time. Joseph had him really well trained in the end; Spuds would avoid jumping if at all possible, and Joe had a much easier life. Of course, he signed his own travel warrant in the end. He should never have stopped at that wall when out hunting with the Beaufort, right in front of the Secretary too. Spuds went over his head as usual, and ended up sat on top of the wall holding the reins just like some kind of garden gnome. His humiliation was complete."

"The worst one was a genuine accident, I think. Spuds and Joseph were having a jumping lesson in the outdoor school. They turned the corner and came cantering up to a 2-foot jump, and Joseph just stumbled and fell over his own front feet. Spuds says that accidents like that seem to happen to you in slow motion. One moment he was there, attempting to adopt the classic jumping position, and the next moment he's flying through the air, aimed at the bars of the fence. He has time to think that he'd better stick out his arm to push the fence away, otherwise it will be his head that does it. The next thing is he's lying on his back amidst the ruins of the fence, and looking up into the sky. There, upside-down in the air above him is his horse. "Sh*t, he thinks. This is jolly well going to hurt when he comes down". By some miracle Joseph avoided crushing him, and when his somersault was complete they both stood up, looked at each other and dusted themselves off.

"Tricia, the instructor, never moved. She sat there in the sunshine on top of the post and rail fence, quietly sucking a long length of grass. "I thought we'd lost you that time Spuds" she said. "You'd better get back on and try that one again".

"I saw a cracking good dismounting whilst out hunting last weekend. We were in a long narrow entrance to a field, and there was a stream running diagonally across the route. It was in a channel about ten feet wide and three feet down. The stream wasn't deep, but the bed was very muddy, churned up and full of cattle dung, and the water was icy cold. Just to make things more interesting, a large tree had fallen across the entrance; it was about 4 feet above the level of the field and seven feet above the stream. You were supposed to walk along the stream bed and duck under the tree trunk. However, a young and bold horse came charging across the stream and up the bank on the far side. He then seriously considered jumping over the tree trunk. His rider managed to dissuade him from this reckless course, so he slithered down the bank again and back into the stream. Unfortunately the rider than had the choice of either rapidly dismounting or being swiped off on the tree trunk as the horse charged off upstream. The fellow went over the horse's tail and landed on his back in this freezing cold mud, arms and legs in the air just like a big black beetle. Fortunately only his pride was hurt. 'I feel a dry-cleaning bill coming on' said the hunt secretary, who owned the horse."

"So you're feeling benevolent for the moment then Branston?"

"I'm just gently teasing him at the moment. Carting him off from time to time. Galloping past the Field Master. Little things just to keep him on his toes. I won't let him get conceited, don't worry".